No Day But Today

I have never been so excited about a new year as I am 2006.  This, my friends, is the year of Jennifer Ann Howard-McKenzie, I can just feel it.  Ok, maybe that is a little bit of hyperbole but I am glad to be done with 2005.  (At this point, before you continue reading, if you have the sound track to the movie or broadway musical Rent, you should play the song “will I lose my dignity.”  If typepad allowed me to have a song with an entry, that is the song that I would have chosen to represent this past year.....just fyi)  Let's just say that 2005, while it had some amazingly STELLAR moments and a lot of personal growth, holds within it's 365 day timespan some of my Not so Proud moments-Better said, some of the most humbling and humiliating experiences of my life.  One of my new favorite shows, Everwood, had a quote in it a few weeks back that described my life perfectly. 
Dr. Brown said to his son, Efraim “ I think that sometimes ignoring something gives it too much power.  Pretty soon, all we can remember is what it is we were trying to forget.”  For the past 20 years or so I have been trying to ignore all of the chaotic, destructive and painful events of my life- to pretend as though they never actually happened, or at least that the destructive and devastating behaviors of those who were supposed to love and protect me didn’t affect me at all.  2005 will now be defined as the year that all of my destructive patterns and defense mechanisms, meant to protect me in a broken scary world, caught up with me.  This is now the year where  ALL I could REMEMBER was the very things I’ve been trying to FORGET.  This year was my re-entry into the reality that is and has been my life.  The beginning of me opening doors that had been cemented shut long ago and allowing the Holy Spirit to enter in and begin to bring healing to the broken places in my heart and life.  Thank you, Jesus, for your continued grace in my life.  Thank you that no matter how many times I fall  YOU will Always be there to pick me up.  Thank you also to all of my precious friends who continue to strive to love me, even in the midst of my brokenness.  God has used each of you to bring me to this place of brokenness, but also to find here in this place of brokenness the very thing I have been searching for my entire life - A place where , love abounds and condemnation is nowhere to be found.  May this year be the year that I begin to see myself as He sees me and thus to trust and accept the love  with which He has so graciously surrounded me.
I am attaching a best of 2005 photo album to the left, lest anyone misunderstand and think that all of 2005 was a bust.  I enjoyed one of the best jobs of my life, met some of the most amazing people of my life ( students and adults), saw the face of God and experienced His love and joy and peace in a way that I never dreamed was possible, I was reunited or united for the first time with some of this earth’s most truly beautiful people. (Chuck and Amy Berry, Cathy Buckland, Amy & Ethan Pitsch, Lisa Loney, Jennifer Stuckert, Philip Slagle, Carrie Raisler(and Sallie Raisler, of course)Jamie & Heather, Hayley, Christen, Becca, Leslie, Jenn W., my middle and high school discipleship groups, just to name a few.)  You will all be in the 2006 highlights so check it out.  To end this blog, I leave you with the Finale from the Musical rent.  “There’s only now, there’s only here, give in to love or live in fear....no other time, no other way, no day, but today.  There's no day but today...”  Oh how I long to be governed by love and not by fear!

Comments

[Leslie]

Amen. Post, Jen...POST.

[Amy]

I know this is your year...but when can we expect your next blog? :)

[Leslie]

1st - love that you STOLE my pictures without permission!!! j/k
2nd - LOVE YOU. God IS doing something so very specific and monumental in your heart right now...it's SO incredible to see...

[Hayley]

I'm so proud of you and the work you have let the Lord do in your life. I know it's been difficult, but to see the intriguing, loving, strong person that you are becoming is testament to the fact that the work has been well worth it. Love you!

[Carrie]

Ah, how I love that our lunch at Ellen made your 2005 highlight reel. If I had taken a picture, it would have made mine as well. Mmm...

Best of everything in 2006 -- the year of the Jenn!

[Philip]

I am so thankful for you, Jennifer... you're an outstanding witness, so I'll let it slide that you're a little Rent obsessed.

[Jennifer McKenzie]

First of all, who are you? 2nd, there was no toasting going on...I was shooting a firework out of that beer bottle.

[MercyNow]

So uhm, were you giving a toast for the New Yr with that beer bottle?

[Syble]

Hey I love the sweatshirt you are wearing!